They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
