Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You took a bar mat shot.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
