I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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