Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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