I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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