i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
