Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
