Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I smell stomach acid.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
