so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
