You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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