I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
