Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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