omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
