pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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