Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im holly from the hills drunk
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
