I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
