I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
