And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
