So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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