saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
