Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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