Need sex. Gaining weight.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You need Xanax blowdarts
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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