This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
