Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's just like the Real World with babies
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
