Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
