I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
third nipple confirmed
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
