what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
