He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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