I'm gonna have a badass scar
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
