We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
