i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
