Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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