I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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