You smell like a Billy Joel song
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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