In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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