you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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