if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
