dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
