I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
