When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
