Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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