he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
