im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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