why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
