i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
