i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
