we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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