On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
