A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
