mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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