no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
