my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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