just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
